Mortality

Today I attended my first funeral in 6 years. In the years before this 6 year drought, I went to my mom's funeral, my uncle's, and my grandfathers. My uncle and grandfather were within a month of each other. I missed my grandmothers funeral, who passed away four months prior to my mom's passing. This happened when I was between 18-19 years old.

During these experiences, as painful as they were, I grew up a lot. To see the bodies of loved ones lifeless is a surreal experience. However, I do have a somewhat sick sense of humor. Today, while at the visitation for my "pseudo grandmother" I was thinking how fantastic and terrifying it would be if she were to be a zombie . . . and start the "Zombie-ocalpyse".

So back to today. While looking at the body of Dawn, a once vibrant, active, human-being who is now lifeless brought the thought of my own mortality. I've been lucky in my own life as I have survived multiple motorcycles wrecks. The worst one being 60mph and I was able to walk away. That accident is always in my memory. But the side effect its had on me is quite an interesting one.

My own mortality. I know I break, I scar, I bleed but because of that accident, I don't believe I'm mortal. I know in my head I am, I know eventually I will die but until that time, I plan to enjoy life to the fullest. Today is the first day of the rest of my life . . . and yours. How will you spend it?

First Love

Do you remember your first "Love"? What was his/her name? Maybe it was your first crush on someone in school...mine was in 4th grade but thats not who or what Im talking about here. There's something magical about an attraction at such a young and innocent age. Nothing came from it Maybe it was later, in middle school...and you start to notice the opposite sex even more so. Gotta love hormones. Or maybe high school...and all of the drama associated then.

My first TRUE love would be the game of basketball. I had played as a kid. I wasn't great but the game fascinated me. The skills, the techniques, the endurance and brothers and sisters you make along the way. Just an FYI, I never played for a school after 5th grade but during high school, many said I should've tried out...way to shy then. I did play in a church league for 2 years and this past year I played Intramural for BCTC. Our team didn't do good, at all. But I did have fun.

The past two months I haven't played at all...until Sunday night. I forgot how much I had missed it. I, personally, had a great 2 out of 3 games, but left undefeated(pride win!). I was exhausted after it was over, but in a good way. It felt so good to be back with my first love and back to my "home". I have been playing volleyball almost every day for the past month and was getting burned out on it.

Im hoping I wont have another 2 month hiatus from my love. What's your first love?

Eye opening realization

Today was one of those smacks in the face. Everything finally makes sense and unfortunately it's in a negative way.

Like one, why do people say they dont have the time when they really do? All I've been trying to get from several "friends" is about an hour of their time for the past several weeks to catch up and hangout ~ go get a drink somewhere. It would've been nice if they would've just said no, instead now, I feel like I've become a pest for wanting to keep them to their word. I should just give up on trying but unfortunately that's not me. Certain things I do give up on and I'm guessing people are something I should. I've been hurt too much by them, so why continue putting myself in that situation? Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Yep, Im effed . . .

Number two, and what was really the smack in the face tonight: No matter what I do, who I'm with or where I go I dont fit in. However, let me modify that a little. The places I feel at home, the most comfortable, is when Im either on a basketball court or a volleyball court. It's on this stage I feel at home. And after the games are over? It's back to the same.

Maybe I should just be a wanderer. I enjoy traveling and I'd never have to worry about staying somewhere long enough to hope I'd fit in. Even though, I know deep inside of me, I want to. I want to find "Somewhere I Belong"(Linkin Park reference).

Meh, I just dont know right now. Some things have been good, but that empty feeling, that feeling that no one cares or no one notices, it nags at the back of my mind.

USA vs Japan

I'm not a huge soccer fan but during the last two world cups(men's and women's) I've become a little bit more of a fan each time. When I was kid I played soccer for about 6 years for the YMCA league in Ashland. Never really did understand the game then other than if the ball goes in the net, it counts as a point. For a year I played goalie and played really well, the next...I was terrible at that position.

Today's world cup final pitted the USA vs Japan. Both very prideful countries and both fighting to prove something. Today it went to Japan. After the devastation Japan has faced this year, I'm glad for them. It gives the country some hope and something to cheer. It kind of reminds me of New Orleans and the Saints after Hurricane Katrina. Honestly, if they wouldn't have been playing the US I would've been cheering for them and I tip my hat off to them. They played well, with heart, with desire and can now bring some semblance of hope to country that has had just about anything but.

I cant even begin to fathom how our women's team feels in this moment. To be so close, traverse a road less traveled and still be a competitor, seems so surreal. I hate it for them that they lost, but no one can deny what they've done or how the American spirit resides in all of them. Though I'm sure none of the women on the team will ever read this I have this to say: Hold your head high. You DID write your own story. Too overcome the defeat to Sweden and to overcome the red card against Brazil? You are amazing! You showed the world the heart of America and you did it in a beautiful fashion.

And the game today was absolutely beautiful. For the majority of the game no cards were given. Eventually Japan got a yellow card and a red card. Every time a player went down, on either team, the opposing team checked to make sure they were okay. Thank you to both teams for showing sportsmanship even when a world cup is at hand. I hope that other teams in every sport take a lesson from the class act that was displayed on a world stage today.

XangaMyspaceFacebook . . . Google+?

There have been many social media sites and for me it started with Xanga but my first online social experience was IRC(Internet Relay Chat). The question is, why do we move from one website to another? Whatever the reason(s) may be, the inventors of these sites thrive on it. Without their insight into the human psyche and the “enough is never enough” attitude we have, we would all be on the same website we started with.

It’s hard for me to understand moving from one website to another when they all allow the same thing to occur. Myspace for awhile was the holy grail of social media then facebook snagged it. My guess is because at first it didn’t have ads and myspace was overrun with them. Xanga was a simple website that allowed you to post more of a blog than any status update, pic or video. Apparently, it is now a blogging community. I cant remember my username or password has it has been years since I’ve signed in there.

As for Google+, right now, I'm not a fan. I'm not finding it as user friendly as facebook. Yes the page is less crowded but as it grows I fully believe ads will start popping up. It’s a business and it takes money, so money has to come from somewhere right? And to keep people, its best to not charge a user fee so only other option, ads.

Maybe in time, Google+ will grow on me or as more and more people shift over there from facebook, I will shift as well.

Other Sites

Twitter: I’ve recently become a more avid user of this service as it allows for a quick 140 character snapshot of my thoughts. I believe its key draw is the ease of being able to send a text message to its number and its ability to link with facebook. Picture sharing is easy also however it does require a 3^rd party source

Tumblr: Never used it, I actually forgot it existed. After reading its “about” page it seem very similar to facebook with a different name and different layout.

Read at own risk.

Why do I try? It seems like such an easy task at hand but apparently society or something I'm completely missing has made this a much more complicated task than it really is. I'm a firm believer in “ignorance isn’t bliss” and I do everything I can to avoid making assumptions, especially of friends. However when certain situations arise that I’ve had arise many times over my life, it’s hard to separate my experiences from what I see happening.

I really hope and pray to God I’m wrong, but honestly, I haven’t been wrong yet in this regard. First time for everything right? I hope so. I actually pray that I’m wrong.

Of course, if that prayer is answered, would I actually realize it or be so blinded by my pride that I miss the answer? I mean, there are definitely obvious actions I could take, but are those risks right? What if they’re not? How much would/could I lose? Too much in my mind.

P.S. Women, if a guy asks you out and you don’t want to go, just say “no”. If you put the stipulation of “I don’t have the time” or any stipulation for that matter; almost every guy knows or should know that that is an automatic “No”. If he is respectful of you, he will take your answer at full value. Gray answers aren’t good either. As a guy, when it comes to this, be direct. A “yes” or “no” is a very simple answer and dependent on the answer, not waste your time or ours. We’ve taken a risk by showing our cards when we ask you on a date, please don’t brush that off as nothing as for many, it is an extremely scary risk.

And breathe…venting is over. Maybe a technology blog next time, something less intense or thought provoking. Well, I hope this is thought provoking in some regards.

What is "Chivalry" to you?

Back in the dark ages an unwritten moral code was arisen. This moral code was given a term, the term: "Chivalry". As the years have passed since then it seems this way of knightly living as fallen to the wayside, or has it?

What is chivalry to you? And yes, I really want to know. Everyone will define it differently as everyone has a different expectation on what it should be.

Here are the "10 Commandments of the Code of Chivalry"

From Chivalry by Leon Gautier

Thou shalt believe all that the Church teaches, and shalt observe all its directions.
Thou shalt defend the Church.
Thou shalt repect all weaknesses, and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.
Thou shalt love the country in the which thou wast born.
Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.
Thou shalt make war against the Infidel without cessation, and without mercy.
Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feudal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of God.
Thou shalt never lie, and shall remain faithful to thy pledged word.
Thou shalt be generous, and give largess to everyone.
Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and the Good against Injustice and Evil.

The Code of Chivalry

From the Rifts: England Supplement

Live to serve King and Country.
Live to defend Crown and Country and all it holds dear.
Live one's life so that it is worthy of respect and honor.
Live for freedom, justice and all that is good.
Never attack an unarmed foe.
Never use a weapon on an opponent not equal to the attack.
Never attack from behind.
Avoid lying to your fellow man.
Avoid cheating.
Avoid torture.
Obey the law of king, country, and chivalry.
Administer justice.
Protect the innocent.
Exhibit self control.
Show respect to authority.
Respect women.
Exhibit Courage in word and deed.
Defend the weak and innocent.
Destroy evil in all of its monstrous forms.
Crush the monsters that steal our land and rob our people.
Fight with honor.
Avenge the wronged.
Never abandon a friend, ally, or noble cause.
Fight for the ideals of king, country, and chivalry.
Die with valor.
Always keep one's word of honor.
Always maintain one's principles.
Never betray a confidence or comrade.
Avoid deception.
Respect life and freedom.
Die with honor.
Exhibit manners.
Be polite and attentive.
Be respectful of host, women, and honor.
Loyalty to country, King, honor, freedom, and the code of chivalry.
Loyalty to one's friends and those who lay their trust in thee.

The Twelve Chief Rules in Love

From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus

Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
Thou shalt speak no evil.
Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
The Art of Courtly Love

From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus

Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
He who is not jealous cannot love.
No one can be bound by a double love.
It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
When made public love rarely endures.
The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
A new love puts an old one to flight.
Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
A man in love is always apprehensive.
Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
Love can deny nothing to love.
A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

Chivalry code

This isn't the only site but had the most useful information in one place. What do you think? Thoughts and opinions please!

Thanks for reading :)

New Respect

Yesterday morning was eventful (as was the whole day-celebrating a friends 21st, w00t!). Phone was ringing with unknown numbers I continuously ignore, Chips(my cat) was meowing and crawling all over me. Thankfully the sun doesn't really enter my room so the illumination of my room stays fairly dim, even during the brightest part of the day. This was all before I crawled out of bed.

As I see it an unfortunate situation I have, is I have to wear glasses. Granted, its not always bad as it does help me see. My vision is pretty horrible as without them I am unable to see the screen I am typing on. My first step in the morning is to turn on my lamp then put on my glasses. Well, when I went to put on my glasses, they broke. The frame around the nose piece gave out. I had known it was going to break fairly soon, but it just had to break yesterday.

Since then I have been using my prescription sunglasses to see(break out Corey Hart's "I wear my sunglasses at Night puns now). This experience however as given me a new respect to those who are blind. I take my vision for granted as it is something I have and use constantly. But what about those who? So many questions run through my head. What's it like to blind? What's it like to be unable to see the beauty all around you? etc. I've heard that when one sense is gone the others get stronger, making up for the lost one.

I do not have the privilege of knowing any blind person but they have just gained my respect. To be able to traverse around a town let alone the world seems like a huge challenge, almost impossible but its not.

Good news is I will be getting new glasses tomorrow and my 48 hours of blurred or shaded vision will be over.

New opportunity

This is my first blog in 3 years. YIKES! Talk about a hiatus!

So today I started a new venture, social media management. Surprisingly seems more difficult than I thought and I have to pull back my thoughts from the company as I just use the media in hopes of gaining more business for the benefit of the company. And I definitely do not have the experience at running a company or advertising for that matter. This is a very new experience, and I hope I can do well at this. I enjoyed my first day though, getting a feel for the company and what the owners expect. Also, trying to understand how to best use social media to gain the customers and not scare them off. Too much is never good, but how much is too much and how little is too little? Trial by error? Not a way I want to do this so I began looking at some other companies that use social media and research and gauged, along with the help of Athena-who came up with a number- how much a company post in 24 hours. Larger companies seem to post about 8-10 times in a 24 hour period while smaller companies are about half of that.

Now, the next time I go in, unless I do it over the weeked will be to get a blog setup for Modern Mercantile and WM Wine Shop(@ModMerc on www.Twitter.com ) or on www.facebook.com.

You can also follow me on twitter @Smitz115 and learn about my journey through this experience or anything in general-philosophy, quotes, movie reviews(Im no critic! If it keeps me intriqued, I like it!) and day to day life.

And so Im back into the world of Blogging. Anybody remember Xanga? Yeah, this is the closest we will get to that now.