Ever wish to do or want something that you almost feel certain that you would die if you didn't do or didn't get? I personally call it a desire of the heart. There are many things that I could say I feel this way on. Owning my own house, girlfriend, new car(s)/motorcycle, living in the gorge for a year....or three. None of these things will add or subtract a single day of my life. These are things I see that make life more enjoyable, for me personally. Whats yours?
None of the things I've listed have to do with eternity. I know this in my head, but my heart is very disconnected from this knowledge. I would love to have or do all these things because they would make me feel successful or secure but feelings are deceiving, or at least to me they are.
I was in the gorge Thursday night and had some quiet time there. I was reading through my daily devotional that I was 4 days behind on. Get to this part that talks about the attributes of God. Somewhere pops in my head the question of: Do I want to be God, or do I want to be like God? Well, I chose to be like God. The next question for me then, was how do I be like God? The answer I got was "be a child". Being a child for me is very hard. I hate considering myself needy and at the same time I am very needy. This concept is going to be very hard for me to grasp and apply. I consider myself very independent. I do what I want, when I want. Learning to be dependent and accepting it will be a stretch and take a lot of time. Reason being I feel that if I cant do something on my own, I am a failure. I was always taught to take the pain and lock it inside, if you let it out, you are weak.
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