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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Embracing darkness

Ever felt hopeless? Like no matter what you do in life you cant get a step ahead? Obviously I have or I wouldnt be writing this. My eyes used to be empty. Cold and dark. This was long before I met any questers. When questers met me my eyes had some form of life in them. Probably excitement. At that time in my life I wanted to meet new people and I did, met a lot. What you have not seen is the dark, cold, distant and desolate land I lived in. Some of you may have caught a glimpse of that last weekend. I was very very distant and starting to grow cold again. Closing myself off to those who care. Honestly I wanted and sometimes want to be forgotten and erased from memories.

I've been embracing the darkness that I live in instead of rejecting it and walking in the light. The darkness is home, it is a friend. In reality its not. My perception has been distorted to see evil as good and good as evil. Do I like the dark? Yes. Its a comfortable place where I can hide and people can forget me. But that doesn't work with Jesus. He came into the darkness to provide a light to the lost. No matter where you're at, if you see a light you're drawn to it. Just like a moth.

I know how dark I am and easily can be. For the first time ever I wrote a poem that scared even myself. That in itself is a challenge. I dont get scared(usually), I get disturbed, but that scared me.

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